Mind Matters
Big boys don’t cry! Well, in my opinion they should. Sayings like that cause more issues with mental health in men than anything else I come across, writes therapeutic coach Lynn Scholes
Feelings are meant to be felt and the fact that so many men feel compelled or are programmed to push feelings aside and ignore them, often creates major issues in relationships and frustrations in other situations.
The idea that men are programmed not to express emotion is a societal one, not a biological one. Traditional gender norms often dictate that men should be strong, stoic and not show vulnerability. However, it is essential to recognise that everyone experiences and expresses emotions differently, regardless of gender. Socialisation, upbringing and cultural factors all have a significant role in shaping how individuals express their emotions.
The impact of not showing emotion or suppressing emotion, can vary from person to person and depend on many of the factors mentioned. However, some common consequences for men who suppress their emotions often include the following:
• Mental health issues: Bottling up emotions can lead to increased stress, anxiety and depression. Without healthy outlets for expression, emotional struggles can intensify over time.
• Difficulty in relationships: Suppressing emotions can hinder meaningful connections with others, as it may be challenging to communicate feelings and understand those of others. This can strain personal and professional relationships. The differences in how emotions are dealt with in relationships is often the crux of the problem.
• Physical health concerns: Chronic suppression of emotions has been linked to physical health problems like high blood pressure, weakened immune system and gastrointestinal issues.
• Limited coping skills: When emotions are consistently suppressed, individuals may lack effective coping mechanisms to deal with life’s challenges. This can lead to maladaptive behaviours such as substance abuse or risky behaviour. From this can develop a feeling of weakness and low self-esteem, all adding to the issue.
• Loneliness and isolation: Feeling unable to express emotions openly may lead to a sense of isolation and loneliness, as individuals may believe they cannot connect with others on a deeper level. They often feel misunderstood, which is a consequence of not having the ability to share thoughts, fears and feelings.
Overall, the impact of not showing emotion can be detrimental to both mental and physical well-being, highlighting the importance of fostering a culture that encourages emotional expression and support for all individuals, regardless of gender.
Why can’t there be a balance? Well, the good news is – there can be. Driven by the need for real change and recognising their challenges with dealing with emotion, men reach out for help and can come to understand that expressing emotion and dealing with emotion is something they can learn how to do. The brain is amazing and through neuro-plasticity we can demonstrate the positive effect of ‘feeling the feelings’, which in turn makes it easier going forward. So many relationships would be saved if women understood why men act the way they do and if men understood that it doesn’t have to be that way.
Lynn Scholes is a writer, therapeutic coach, trainer and speaker working with individuals and companies.
To find out more contact Lynn on 07753 579745 or go to: focus101.co.uk
