Mind Matters
Therapeutic coach Lynn Scholes delves into the extremely complex, but surprisingly common, issue of narcissism
There are a number of complex subjects I find challenging, if not impossible, to write about in just a single page article. Sexual or physical abuse, PTSD and narcissism are just a few.
So why write about narcissism?
Over the last few years, the term has been bandied around with little or no thought to its true meaning. People, often men, are referred to as ‘narcissistic’ by those who have only the faintest idea of what it actually means. It leads to people questioning if they are in a narcissistic relationship.
Narcissism comes on a ‘spectrum’ and people can demonstrate narcissistic tendencies, but that is very different from being a full-blown narcissist. Being in a narcissistic relationship can be life-changing for the partner, leading to them finding it impossible to ever trust their own judgement, or potential partners again.
Narcissistic partners are insidious, exhibiting one set of behaviours at the start of a relationship, to gain trust and create vulnerability. Once they are in the driving seat, their behaviour changes and the blame is all yours.
It’s important to distinguish between someone having narcissistic traits and having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which is a clinical diagnosis made by a mental health professional. If you are concerned about your partner’s behaviour, consider consulting a therapist for guidance. We can help you understand the dynamics of your relationship and provide support in addressing any unhealthy patterns.
Identifying whether your partner is a narcissist involves recognising specific patterns of behaviour. NPD is characterised by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration and a lack of empathy. Here are some signs that may indicate narcissistic traits:
• Grandiose sense of self-importance leads them to exaggerate achievements and talents, expect to be recognised as superior without commensurate achievements.
• They are often absorbed with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love. They often invest in the past, present or future to impress at the start of a relationship.
• They believe they are special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people.
• They require excessive admiration and are constantly seeking praise and attention.
• They have a sense of entitlement and unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations.
• They take advantage of others to achieve their own ends and set up relationships to exploit their partner.
• Their lack of empathy means they are unwilling/unable to recognise or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
• They are often envious of others or believe that others are envious of them.
• They display arrogant behaviour or attitudes because of the belief that they are superior.
When discussing true narcissism, put simply, there is only one person who will ever matter in the mind of a narcissist and that is themselves! Narcissists typically prioritise their own needs and desires above others, showing a lack of genuine concern or empathy for those around them. Their relationships are often marked by self-centredness and exploitation.
I will follow this up with an article on what to look out for at the start of a relationship that should ring alarm bells.
Lynn Scholes is a writer, therapeutic coach, trainer and speaker working with individuals and companies.
To find out more contact Lynn on 07753 579745 or go to: focus101.co.uk
