Mind Matters
Therapeutic coach Lynn Scholes advises that learning to accept, is the key to a happy life Many years ago, I had a boss who, when I was complaining about a customer cancelling an order or me not hitting a target, he would say, ‘Who told you, life was going to be fair or easy?’
Little did he or I know at that time, just how insightful that question was. Pain and suffering is something that connects us all and none of us are immune. Accepting this is key to happiness.
The truth is good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. Hardworking people fail and lazy people succeed. We lose loved ones far too early, or the love of our life may leave us for someone else.
We will all have challenges and tough times, that is more or less guaranteed and we can’t always control it. Psychologists have termed the ‘just world myth’ as being the belief that if I am good, try my hardest and treat others well, bad things won’t happen to me!
What we can control is how we respond – how we frame what has happened and move on. However many times we revisit the past it is always the same, nothing changes. We focus on the could have, should have, would have. It is a dead-end that blocks the road ahead and traps us in the past.
Whilst we are stuck in the pain and in the unfairness, we take away that opportunity for future happiness and we need to ask ourselves is that what we want? We do have a choice and we need to move away from our view of fairness and injustice and take back control. There has to be a level of acceptance for us to become ‘unstuck’ and move on.
The past is the past and it is beyond our control but what we can control is how we view it and how we respond. With support, we can take back control and sail into calmer waters and a brighter future. However, beware that this work can take time and commitment – are you prepared to invest time in you and your future happiness.
During the pandemic I came across a podcast called Slo Mo. Mo Gawdett is an inspirational man. He is a former CBO for Google X, whose son died at the age of 21 during what should have been a routine appendectomy. He made a choice that rather than live a life of sadness and regret, he chose to celebrate the years he had with his son and not yearn for the ones he had missed. He accepted and made peace with what had happened. I can see how empowered he was by this incredibly difficult choice and how much good he has done by sharing his experience with others.
Acceptance is a super-power and the conduit to happiness. Accepting life’s unfairness will set you free. If you feel that you have been wronged or lost someone or something very special, it can be very hard to move on and let go. A professional coach/counsellor can support you on this journey.
To find out if therapeutic coaching could help you, call Lynn at focus101 on 07753 579745 or visit: focus101.co.uk
